So what ingredients make for a good marriage?
How can you save your marriage from the terrible statistics?

What ingredients do we add to our marriage?

One of the most important things I ever did was lower my expectations.  Sounds funny at first glance, I know.
Expect nothing from your spouse and be blissfully happy the rest of your life.
Well, that is not exactly what I mean, but it's not completely off, either.

When you expect something from someone, or have expectations, you are putting demands on something or a situation.  You are putting obligations on someone or something.

I expect Jeff to honor  and respect me.  Well, sure I do. 
Because he is a Christian, and he is a follower of Christ, and that is why I married him, because I knew his character and knew his values.  Therefore I expect him to honor me.  I mentally demand that he gives me honor.  But honor in whose opinion?  And to what measurement?  And do I expect it because I give it in return?  Or do I expect it, demand it because that's the way it was and still should be?

I think I had unrealistic expectations for Jeff.  My expectations for Jeff were too high for our situation, our marriage  Perhaps in another situation, in another marriage, the expectations would not be considered too high.

But when I continued to be disappointed because I wasn't getting enough help around the house, I was setting myself up for disappointment b/c of my expectations.  My disappointment was my fault.  The person who needed to change was me.
Jeff doesn't sit around and do nothing.  He is involved in so many things, giving himself to so many areas.  And if that is what the Lord has called him to do, and I'm frustrated with him b/c he's not doing what I think is important, then I am being a "Martha" and expecting my husband to do other things.  To pay attention to the things that will not carry into the next life.  So the dishes remain dirty in the sink, or the toys are scattered for longer.  Does that really matter?  So I learned how to let go.
And I think the more I let go of what seemed important at the time and focused on the matters of the kingdom, everything started to come in to focus.

And because of that, I follow Jeff.  I support him, encourage him, cheer him on, and at times, I do ask for help.  I do communicate that I'd like help- but I don't expect.  And that's the difference.

And I don't expect him to honor me.  It's not "just the way it should be"...it is the gift he gives me.  If you expect a gift, then the gift doesn't seem so wonderful, does it?  And so I look to the Lord to give me the value I need, and in return don't demand it from Jeff...and in this delicate dance- Jeff, in return does honor me and love on me with wonderful words of value and encouragement.