I have a friend who is probably on a plane right now.  She is taking a much needed trip with her husband.  A trip full of hopes for rest, relaxation, and an intimate reconnecting.

Their marriage was, is broken.  They have gone through things I don't know about, for she is a new friend and I don't know their story.

And I don't need to know, really...all I need to know is that they need my prayer for this time and I will be there for her in prayer.

I thought to myself this morning- really, every marriage is broken. 
How can I say such a difficult statement?

Well, who spends more time with a spouse...than the other spouse?  You live together, you sleep together, you share a bathroom...
Two flawed sinful people who are selfish...married.

Flawed?  Sinful?  Yes.  We all are.  And we are all selfish.  If we took a microscope, a powerful microscope and held it to ourselves, we would see that we don't love our spouses the way God does, the way God wants us to.

If you don't believe me, spend some time in the Word of God- James alone is a great book that exposes our hearts.  But it's all over the place.

We are unable-physically, emotionally incapable of doing it alone.

And so it points us to THE source of everything we NEED.  Jesus.

And so every marriage is broken...b/c we aren't Jesus.  We aren't perfect and we break those promises all the time

"Do you promise to  love, for better or worse, in sickness and health, for rich or for poor..."
yadda yadda....you know the tune...

We can't keep those promises...we THINK we do, but if you really examined yourself closely to the standard of excellence...which is the standard of perfection...you'd see we all fall short.

We all have broken marriages and we all need healing.

And so I pray that whoever reads this- that their marriage gets a spiritual "nudge"- maybe "lift" of tender joy from the only One that can give it purely.

Oh Perfect Healer, mend our marriages- thank you for helping us see how broken we are...because that is the arrow we need to point us in the direction to come to You.  Help us to love one another the way You  love us.

It sometimes is easier to be married...in bed.

Think about it, in our moment of intimacy, do we hurl accusations at each other?  Are words misinterpreted?
No, sweet, sweet loving takes place.  Not just sexually.

Every person has that moment where we miss the mark in loving our spouse...outside the sheets- speaking here.

We get angry, we misinterpret what the other has said.
We get hurt. 

That's really the bottom line, isn't it?

We get hurt.

And the finger pointing blame game makes it worse.
Does it really matter?
Someone is hurting.  Period. 
A relationship has been wounded.

So how do we avoid missing the mark?
Well, I think it starts by knowing the truth.
We will miss the mark.     Our spouse will miss the mark.
We can never be perfect, we can never love our spouse the way God does.
And our spouse will never love us the way God does.
But if we fix our eyes on Jesus and his steadfast love for us, perhaps we will miss the mark LESS.  And so will our spouse.

And in fixing our eyes on Jesus, perhaps we can connect in different areas... on levels that have the same intimacy as our bodies do when marriage is celebrated sexually...
What would our marriage look like?

So let us love well...outside the sheets as well.

Watch your thoughts, they become words
Watch your words, they become actions
Watch your actions, they become habits
Watch your habits, they become character
Watch your character because it becomes your destiny

These are words I am going to embrace...and taking control of my actions means to slow down and let God help me think first.

I'll be a better wife, I'll be a better mom, I'll be a better daughter, I'll be a better follower and servant to My King if I can breathe in the Holy Spirit and breathe out my stress and frustrations.

Do you remember the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible? (Luke 10:38-42)

I have what I call "Martha Moments."  I had one just the other day.

It's where I forget the important things and get distracted. 
On this particular day I was distracted by household duties, although it doesn't always have to be the case.
Here's the play by play:

We were all in the basement.  I look around and see toys scattered...everywhere. 
The kids and Jeff were playing foosball and having a great time.  I cleaned, they played.  I cleaned, they played.  No one asked to help - they ignored me as I was bending over and laboriously picking up the pieces after what seemed a post tornado setting. 
Then they asked me to join and play. 
It irritated me to the point where I had had it.
"You know, none of you have offered to help, I'm doing all the cleaning, and that's pretty rude."

Now, I can guarantee you that if I did stop and drop everything to play, the cleaning would not have been done.  We, as a family, tend to be slobs.  We move on to the next fun thing and rarely stop to clean, and it is so frustrating for me.

However, my frustration got the best of me, which it did Martha.  I should have made a deal- discuss with them that I was frustrated, agree to play with my family asking that they help me clean after 5-10 minutes of play. 

Instead, I scolded them.  All of them. 
Did the room get clean?  Yep.
Did my family then help?  Yep.
Did I ever play foosball with them?  Nope.
There's the Mary part I missed.

Does that mean drop your priorities to having a clean house?  Forget cleaning and have fun fun fun?
Absolutely not. I don't think the Lord wants us to be slobs, I really don't.
I think He would like us to be responsible and pick up after ourselves, and I believe He wants me to teach this to my children.  However, in those moments, those valuable moments that need to be embraced, the house, the car, the work, the ...whatever can wait a minute while we choose the better part.
And then we can get back to the house, the car, the work, the...whatever later.
There is time for quality fun and there is time for cleaning.  We glorify God in our cleaning as well, let's not underestimate the value of that as well.  We absolutely should take care of the things He gives us. 
We need to be responsible with our time given so that we can have a healthy balance. 

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

I think many times we overestimate ourselves and our ability to see the "darkness" that could pull us in.  Temptation, the silent deadly predator- the tool of the Devil, sits and waits...on the prowl. 

And many of us think of the "really bad stuff" when we think temptation.  We tend to think sex, drugs, alcohol, malicious greed, etc.  But do we ever think about the temptation of  "self?"  We, as human beings are selfish, proud, jealous, unsatisfied creatures.  If you don't think you are, you are fooling only yourself. 

We took the kids to see Narnia- The Dawn Treader tonight.  Great movie.  I was disappointed that it didn't follow the book more, but nonetheless a great movie.  The mist attacks the Dawn Treader, the Narnian ship.  It preys on the characters and their fears and feelings. 
Lucy doesn't feel good enough, not pretty enough.  Edmond doesn't feel enough like a man and they fall prey to the darkness.  Then they recognize it, snap out of it and in the end are victorious.

But as I watched the movie, I kept thinking about how we can look back at a situation, sometimes, and recognize the darkness that was in it. 
How perhaps I was a little angry at a- something out of my control, and b-something so ridiculously small
And unfortunately our fall to temptation usually drags someone else into it.  And many times, unfortunately, it's someone who deserves it the least...the ones who love us the most.

"So lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil..."
Jesus himself taught us to pray these words- not because we may gamble our homes and riches away in a casino, but because Jesus knew the Predator.  He faced him in the desert.  The Predator that knows our weaknesses, knows our fears and preys on them, ready to pounce like a roaring lion.

So let us lean not on our own understanding...but continue to live life in repentance - to Jesus and to the ones we unfortunately affect along the way.