We recently had a tough choice to make.  We were staring into the crossroads of staying at our house now or move to my parents' house, coexist with them for a while and the kids start school in a good school system.

What's so tough about that one?  On the surface it seems a no-brainer.  Better schools, better community, flat roads where I can run and not damage my knees, a flat backyard that I don't have to mow (common field), a community pool, tennis courts...the list goes on and on...and it should be a neon blinking sign that says "GO!"

What is the problem?  Why get all in a mess about this decision?

Well, we have lived here for almost 8 years now and we have served the Lord by ministering to our neighborhood.  We befriended an alcoholic neighbor, a great person bounded by the chains of addition.  We had Nashville Rescue Mission recovering addicts stay in our basement (two) after they graduated the recovery program.  (That is a story in itself, but trust me when I say the Lord guided us and protected us.)  For Walter's first two years of school I tutored two days a week and helped children that needed some reading help.  Kids who sometimes didn't always come from the greatest background.
We have ministered to a family from Iran- they live across the street. 

So looking back at the years spent here and how we have served and loved our neighbors (literally) I have questioned whether or not God would have us move.  Is there someone else that we are supposed to minister to-- that we won't be when we are gone?

But, we have served...and served.  And served.

A friend commented to me one time saying "It sounds like it's time to focus on the family and that's what the move will do for you."

We have given much of ourselves to others and we need to step back, regroup and focus in for a little while. 

But I had myself completely stressed out about the decision.  Stay where we are in an area of need...or go.

Here's what I know to be true:
No matter what path our family decided, we were still in the hands of our Creator.  God would still love us, bless us and use us.  He would never leave us. 

A few weeks ago I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to quit focusing on the choice and stressing out whether or not I was pleasing my Lord...and to focus on Him.  The rest would work out. 

And it was then that I realized I had myself so tangled up in a web of confusion and worry that I had lost the peace and joy.  I had worried so much about how and where to follow Christ that I actually pushed Him aside!  I realized that I listened, anxious for an answer.  Heard nothing.  And then worried. 
It was time to truly let go.  I knew we would be okay no matter what.  And so I let go.

And since then the Lord has blessed me.  The peace and joy that comes from Him has not been covered by distraction. 

And you know what?  Christians need to serve not only the lost...but each other.  And so perhaps we are taking a break from the "lost" that are so prevalent around our old house and focus on serving each other, focus on our marriage, our family...and then serve other believers. 

I know I'm not the only one who has wrestled with decisions- and having the heart to please God but being distracted by whether or not we are truly following Him. 

Perhaps we don't need the whisper of "direction"...but the whisper of what He would have for us.  The direction, for us, meant family.  Our family.
It's not selfish, it's a much deserved and much needed time of rest and restoration.  Our year of jubilee, perhaps.