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So I started to get a little tired...tired of serving. It seemed every time I turned around, someone needed something. And I gave a part of myself.
So Friday night I say to my husband, "I'm tired of giving. I'd like to just go on break for a while."
And where did we go Saturday morning?
To a woman's house to help put up siding. Her husband died a few years ago and never finished the project and she needed help. So I wasn't too terribly excited about going, but I went b/c Jeff wanted me to. And after working a few hours learning how to handle a cement shear (a very cool "Man-Tool") I had a conversation with this woman and found myself wanting to hear her story. And as I listened to her story, my heart went out to her and all I wanted to do is reach out and love on her and help her. My husband, Jeff laughed as we pulled away b/c I went from tired of giving of myself to seeing yet another need that should be filled. I guess I just can't help it. It's just a part of who I am. And Christ himself came to serve. And times of rest and "downtime" were necessary, even for Christ. And then you get back up and hear the voices of need and...go to them. |
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Ever have one of those days where you pour your heart out to God- and ask Him for something...for someone else...but then you feel let down? As if God owed anything to anyone.
I know.
And trust Him.
I know.
And He has a plan.
I KNOW!
But, honestly, I prayed and begged and pleaded for my older brother to have a boy. They had their ultrasound on their 3rd child today. Another girl. It's a healthy girl, so I should be doing jumping jacks, especially since one of the girls had a two vessel cord, kidney issues, etc.
And in the eternal grand scheme of things...does it really matter? Children are blessings and each one gives us joy unmeasurable.
But I can't help but to take my disappointment to God. And I feel that is what He wants us to do.
Be honest with Him.
That's the only place where He can start to do a work within us. Where we take it to Him and be honest. Dealing with the disappointment of someone else, to me, is harder sometimes then dealing with disappointment yourself. I know how much he wanted a father-son relationship.
So Lord, I'm disappointed...but I trust you. And I ask that those of us disappointed questioning ones would come to you with honest hearts, and that we would trust You. But we can only do that when You help us, Lord. |
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| So my latest Carrie "thing" is that tonight we have a sponge down the drain in the shower. As I was taking Carrie out of the shower, I realized she had taken the drain cover off and was playing with a sponge. Well, the sponge went down the drain. We tried a bent metal hanger and the sponge has gone down the curved part of the drain pipe. So stay tuned for the latest developments. I just hope it doesn't include an expensive plumber. |
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So I had a usual, normal day of golf on Friday.
Sort of.
My shots were normal for me. Some better than others.
Here's where my golf game has become more and more enjoyable for me- and it helps me in my spiritual/emotional side of life as well:
I separate the good from the bad.
The bad shots, I close up in a box, and I mentally drop kick that box far away.
And the great shots, the ones that I want to call my husband, Jeff, or my dad, just to share....those shots I put on a shelf. Not because "it's all about me"- but because something went right, and I want to remember that to encourage myself.
So mentally, spiritually, I find myself reliving conversations that went wrong. And it happens more often than I would prefer, but that's probably the perfectionist side of me. I even catch myself making comments as if I was still in the conversation. I am not gifted in timing, like my husband. It's always an hour, or even a day later that I find the "clever" thing to say. Yep. Too late then.
The more I drift into the past, the worse I feel about myself. And the adversary knows it.
So, when I catch myself doing that, I put those moments in a box, and I close it, and drop kick it- all in my mind, but it still feels good to kick it!
And then I make myself think of a moment where things went right. Where I have helped someone, made someone laugh, smile, whatever. And instead of the adversary being in charge of my mood, it's me.
Well, the Holy Spirit inside of me, b/c the Holy Spirit is my coach. He is my director, he is my pilot. And when I am kicking the \"bad\" box and making it a point to find a "good" moment, that is the Holy Spirit working in me.
I back away and let the Holy Spirit help me remember. The adversary wants us to feel worthless, good for nothing, He will keep throwing attacks in an attempt to do so. It's the spiritual battle, people. We are nothing, we are. We are worthless, we are scum.
BUT the HOPE, the PROMISE, -not a future promise, but the promise of RIGHT NOW- is that we are beautiful b/c He made us that way...and He gifted us with beautiful things to GLORIFY HIM. We are wonderfully made inside and out because of Him. And that is enough right there to put Satan in a box and drop kick him and put our Lord Jesus Christ in a place where we are in constant praise. |
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