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You know, a while back at church, we were asked if we were ready to live our lives for Christ.
I felt that Jeff and I had already done that, involving all of us, including our family.
Specifically, I heard Christ ask if I would die for Him. I thought long and hard about that- I have always been afraid of death. I answered yes to that question.
Tonight I feel that I have been asked that again, but in a different way, would I allow Jeff to die for Christ? Not that I had any say in the matter, it's Jeff's life, and ultimately God's plans for Jeff.
But am I willing to trust the Lord and His plans for Jeff?
Am I willing to let go of Jeff for God's plans for me?
Am I willing to trust God enough to be at peace with the idea of my husband dying?
Tough Question!!
Tonight Jeff had to drive a friend to the not-so-friendly side of Nashville, the "projects." But not only that, Jeff had to wait in his car while his friend went into another car trying to get his "lost" cellphone back. It scared me so much. I thought, Lord, I'm not ready to give him up yet!! Please protect him!
And of course, I know fear is not from the Lord, so I then felt bad for being afraid. I know ultimately I'd be okay, in that...God would take care of me, He'd be the great healer- but -
Jeff is my best friend. He's my joy, my laughter, my comfort, my peacekeeper, my calmer-downer when I need one, my thermometer when I don't realize I'm getting so angry, my protector when I just need two strong arms to hold me. He's my alarm clock with a good loving kick/pat when I just can't seem to get up in the morning. He's the "Grillmaster," the "fixer" when I screw up hanging a curtain or whatever it is I messed up. He's my prayer partner, my spiritual cheerleader, my feet warmer when I can't take the chill out of my toes. He's the wardrobe judge when I need one, the ladder-climber when we need one, the computer handy-man, the driver, the lover, the listener, the last-minute-on-the-way-home-milk-buyer and the one I choose to put stickers on my calendar for. He's my nail-biting police, my last-minute-people-coming-over-toilet-scrubber, my reminder"er" my "body-appreciator"...no matter what shape it's in. He's my guy I run to to take the fish off my hook when I can't seem to get the "guts" to do it myself. He's the one I can vent to about the stupid petty things in life or the grandiose political messes. So God, as much as it hurts to say "yes, I give Jeff to you"....please keep him around for a while. And thank you, Lord. Thank you for Jeff. |
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